OMG!!! i'm sooo fukin dead.....my back's sore ass fuck. went to the gym and wrestled wit mike. that foo just works the shit out of me. we were doin min in and out. it was me n skov against mike. went for five rounds each. fukin mike lasted the whole time. that foos fukin crazy. i was so fukin tired when we were done. i am in no shape to be wrestlin. fuk....that.....it's all good though. i got a good work out. after the wrestlin got to my stretchin n kiks. met up wit wool. that foo's startin to get big too. it's amazing to see some ppl's will power. woll's startin to lose his flabby ass beer gut...lol. i really gotta get serious about liftin now......

oh well....christmas was alright....i got FUK'D UP! mixing alcohol.....baaaad. ...idea....so bad that i had to take a cab home. fuk man....that's it wit me. i need to get my head on straight. focus. focus. focus.........

..............focus...........

Alpha Traitor - over n out

Sunny finally stopped by to see me. dam, she's been wanting to see me since i got home in november. she called me on friday afternoon, like a little after i woke up askin me if i was gonna b home tonight. why yes i am. i just told her to call me later when she's out of work. my dad calls around 5 tellin me to get to the shop. i just sat there for like an hour n a half until they closed. pops took us out to eat for one last dinner with the family. as soon as i got home i get a call from her. she's on her way....she looked the same to me *shrug* my mom said she lost weight. but my mom hasn't seen her for two years. dad wasn't out shootin pool wit his friends, so she didn't get to say hi to him. but it's all good. we just talked in the house. about the past, present, and future. and just life itself. we both have grown up a lot. i knew this girl since i was one year old. we go waaaaaay back. we're seriously like brother and sister then friends. it was good seeing her. i gave her one of my cammie blouse, cus she asked for it. lol. she expected so much out of me. i guess in a way that's good. cus it makes me wanna b good as, or even better than wat she expects. u didn't get to buy me dinner this time. i guess u just gonna have to wait til next year. until next year Sunny....i bid you farewell.

i didn't get to do everything i wanted to while i was on leave. i didn't get to meet everyone that i wanted as well. but i can't say i didn't enjoy my leave here in sunny california. i had fun. family, friends. i know i'll want to do all over again the next time....

i did it. i told him.

i told my dad what i wanted to be in life. he asked to speak to me tonight. he gave me a parting gift....a good bye lecture. it was just a reminder of what he wanted from me once i got back to okinawa. wanting me to write a letter home at least once a month. start my credit. and watch my health. when he was done speaking, he asked, because he knew...he knew that there was something built up in my head, but i just was never ready to show it off to him. but i did it. "so, do you have anything to tell ME before you leave?". yes....HE wasn't surprised, but my mom sure was. "I know what I want to be in life". "Really? What?"........." I want to be an actor.".....he didn't seem surprised at all. he just gave me some good words upon that subject. he truly believes that i can make it. My Father is the one man that knows me more than anyone else in the world. even myself...he believes i can do it. he just wants me to focus on one goal. "so what's your goal?"...."I want to win an Oscar Award." i don't care if you're laughing while you're reading this. i'm gonna win an Oscar. and that is when i shall laugh back at you.......

i've never done anything amazing in life. i was never good at anything. i was always average. it was hard just tryin to stay average. lucky me, i always had someone there to set me straight. i always had a problem of doing things on my own. i always needed someone there to keep me motivated. to keep me from tripping on myself. this is the one thing i want to do on my own. it's so that in the end i can look back and not be proud, but realize...realize that it can be done by myself. realize that i don't always need a helping hand to lift me back on my feet. realize that i can get back on my feet on my own. dust off the dirt myself, and keep moving forward. i'm not saying that i'd neglect others, just that assistant wouldn't be necessary. yo Red, everything you've done for me, thanks....this one's on me. i got myself on this one. i have finally chosen a path to walk on. on the road to hollywood. every obstacle, enemy, terrain, trap, i shall be the one to handle it. whatever comes in my way, i will not let it stop me from grabbing hold of that golden prize.

it's all me from here bro....

Alpha Traitor - over and out

right now it is.....1:41 in the morning...can't sleep. there's too much shit goin on in my mind. prolly the biggest thing is about my dad. my pop's always been frustrated at the fact that i still don't know what i wanna b when i grow up. that frustrates him becus he wants me to turn out better than he did. from a father's point of view, i can understand...but i still think that i'm young. yea, i'm 20, but i still feel like a kid.....i'm gonna tell him. before i fly out, i'm gonna tell him that i wanna b an actor. that should relieve him, i guess. at least i'm gonna b tellin him wat i wanna b in life. that was the first thing he asked me when i got home. "so, have u decided on wat ur gonna b?".....well dad.....yea, i sorta did.

besides all that shit bout my dad....som other shit on my mind. but i just can't say. i feel that if i say it, it's just gonna blow up in my face. i'll try n b as vague as i can on this subject.........sometimes ur mind doesn't always agree wit ur heart. i believe that it's ur mind that says "no" to ur heart. this clash of emotion and logic builds stress in me. this stress becomes frustration, leading me to anger. anger to hate. n to quote master yoda xP "hate...leads to suffering..." i'm pretty sure u'd agree wit me if i said "need" comes before "want"....and of course not everything u want is always wat u need. i "want" wat's best for me n everyone that it would affect. for that, i can't hold onto this.....hold onto something i "want". i must let go cus it's not wat i "need".....i gotta let go....

okay! enough wit all that depressing drama shit! now to the fun stuff!! ey yo RedLight_Traitor!!! WTF man!!! u got me hooked on ffr! this shit is god dam addictive.....n u kno dam well i like ddr too! motherfucker! now i can't stop playin ffr just as bad as i can't stop playin ddr. and uhh....my debt WILL b paid. imma b a barracks rat when i get bak to oki. imma hav nothin to spend money on, but to pay off all my debts. ur not the only one i owe. i gotta pay off the plane ticket my aunt bought me. yup! that flight WASN'T free! 940 bucks gotta get bak to my aunt. at least it's by payments with no interest! LOL....yo, all u ps2 players! u gotta get prince of persia 2: warrior within. that shit is kick ass! i just started playin n i just wanna play som more. that shit is awesome....go get it! n don't forget MGS3. FFR! FFR! FFR! LOL....xP

sometimes what you "want" is not always what you "need"....

dad....i wanna b an actor...

FFR! FFR! FFR!!

Alpha Traitor - over n out

well......finally got the dam computer up running good now. u see y i hate my job. fukin computers....i hate 'em all. it's fukin awesome when it works, but when it doesn't, it's a bitch! it's all good though. i got it workin good now. i just need to get more virus definitions and some other needed programs to protect this fukin thing. ey yo RedLight_Traitor, imma need all the shit u got.

right now, i got matrix everything on my computer. the theme and wallpaper. fukin awesome. it's got all the sounds and screen saver too. dam, i love the matrix....well, maybe not as much as Superman. but still. lol xP....

until next time people....

Alpha Traitor - over n out

dam....lin, remind me next time not to stay sober when all them kids r gettin drunk. lol...but it was funny though watchin them get fucked up like that. n yes, it WAS my fault for gettin them like that. "HEY!! get hennesey!" lol. i thought frandel was bad the first time i saw him drink....lol. fun times, fun times. especially when frandel puked all over steve's carpet. LOL, now THAT was funny.

Anyways, besides all that, i finally went fishing tonight. OMG!! it was soooo fukin cold there at the beach. we went to redondo pier, and it was COLD! got there around 10. i really didn't think we were gonna catch anything, but my bro n i r just dam good...lol xP. we caught about 40 fish in two hours. i'd say that's pretty good. it was all little ones though. watevers. i just wanted to have the feel of fishin again.....

i had a serious talk wit RedLight_Traitor the other day. i think imma really go for the acting career. shit, HE thinks i can do it. he never says shit like that unless he means it. imma do it. i just gotta stick wit the plan. it's gonna b a long and slow one, but i gotta do it. at least now i've decided on wat imma do for the rest of my life. i'm not gonna b a lifer in the marines. that's for certain. i'm gonna do it. yes, i will become an actor.....

Alpha Traitor - over n out